I guess my light must’ve been shinning bright today, I think I’m finally ready to write.
It kind of feels like I escaped. Like when your goldfish jumps out of its little fish bowl, I came out gasping for air to breathe. Back then I didn’t have the choice of whether to leave or go, well at least I thought I didn’t. It’s strange though, even the leaves are different here, they’re scattered about everywhere covering the streets. They’re falling bright yellows, reds and orange. Where am I? The air is brisk too, but I can finally really feel the seasons changing again, it’s hitting my senses pretty hard.
Even with life in the fast lane, I’ve always loved the park. I could come here sit for hours, kick my feet up and swing for hours, sit on a bench talk for hours, rustle in the leaves for hours. I feel like a kid again. What can I say, I’m from the city and we don’t mind being outside. Not much laziness around here. I guess there’s something freeing about letting nature just take all your pain. It was like flushing the toilet to the biggest shit of my life.
Good writ-tens, I couldn’t stand waking up every morning facing the remnants of pain day after day. Why do it to myself? At least here the memories are faded, but even when I look back, there’s a happiness within them. I can look back at everything and smile. Virginia was just bad for my whole spirit, it drained me of all this precious energy. So what can I say, when the opportunity presented itself I took it. And then viola, I’m gone. Back to who I am, back to who I’ve always been.
And suddenly, life.
Suddenly, realness. I can finally regain some sanity.
All I can say is assimilation is a real thing. It’s something I’ve learned about, but never realized to be true until now. I had assimilated, I turned myself into this other person to fit in. With Virginians. But I told y’all I’ve been missing my people. I knew there was a new city calling me, but I didn’t think it was my own. I felt like it would be strange to come back, and I do feel strange. But, it’s just overwhelming to finally be back in a place I call home.
It’s been 8 long years. Really, really long years. And on my life’s journey, I’ve went through a lot of tough shit that lead me back to here. I’m grateful. I’ve been praying for this, and it all happened so fast that it was shocking when it was unfolding right before my eyes. It was the route seldom taken; go back to from where I came.
It’s cold out here yo, it’s really fucking cold, and this chill in the air ain’t nothing like no normal wind, this that bitter cold. I guess that’s hat’s why we really ain’t got time for shit. Like bye, always keeping it moving.
I’m really never going back, I left my keys to my apartment along with some other Anissa, and drove away.
I never looked back, and I’m never going to.
This is my path, I’m only moving forward. Oh hello Jersey, Nissy’s home. 💋